Kaseem Conquers Cockblocks

Kaseem had a problem. Every time he opened a group of girls, someone would always step in and intercept his attempt, preventing him from engaging his target. Below he explains how he learned to navigate these obstacles and get himself back in the game.

Interviewer: “So Kaseem, give us an example of a typical scenario you encountered with a cockblock.”

Kaseem: “It happens all the time. I’ll see a pretty girl and move in to approach her. Sometimes, I can even deliver my opener, but sure enough, her cockblocking friend (who’s usually the far less attractive one) will step in and say something to stop me dead in my tracks.”

Interviewer: “What type of comment would she make?”

Kaseem: “Usually it would be something telling me that her friend is unavailable, like ‘She has a boyfriend’ or ‘We’re having a girls night, thanks’ or ‘Sorry, but we’re lesbians’.”

Interviewer: “How would you respond?”

Kaseem: “Man, they would completely shut me down. I wouldn’t know what to say to that. I’d usually just say something like ‘Ok, you ladies have a nice night’ and disappear. This happened so much, that I was beginning to lose hope.”

Interviewer: “Why do you think they do this?”

Kaseem: “There are a couple of reasons why they cockblock. For one, they don’t want to associate with a slut because it looks bad on them; you know birds of a feather flock together. Another reason is just plain hater shit, jealousy. Their hot friend always gets the attention and they get some weird flex from salting your game. It’s like revenge of the Plain Jane. Sometimes, they just do it because they can and they don’t even know why, it’s just normal for them.”

Interviewer: “So, what changed in the way you handle them?”

Kaseem: “I switched up my strategy. Before I approach, now I study the landscape. If I have a wing-man, it’s easy. I figure out who the cockblock is going to be. I open her first and make sure I address all of the members of their group, not just the prettiest one. I have a funny story about myself that I like to tell to get them all laughing. Then I introduce my wingman and he comes in to distract the cockblock while I try to pull the hottie away to another area.”

If I’m alone, it’s definitely a tightrope act. On the one hand, you want to shut down this annoying obstacle, but on the other hand you don’t want her to become combative to the point where she starts insulting you or calls in hired guns (bouncers) to get you 86’ed from the venue. You kind of have to size up the cockblock on a scale of needy submissive orbiter to outright bitch from hell to deliver a measured response. You never want to appear intimidated by the cockblock, but you don’t want to outright insult her either. You want to acknowledge her efforts with humor and confidence while making her question her assertions about you and her own overreaction.

Interviewer: “Great strategy, what about guys who cockblock?

Kaseem: “Yeah, they’re the worst. These white knight orbiters spend their time hovering around these girls keeping anyone from talking to them. Most of them think their chivalry is earning them brownie points for getting at them in the future, but in reality, they’re just tools who live in the friendzone. Sometimes, it’s their gay guy friend who just doesn’t want to look like a loner. Luckily my wing is cool enough to flirt and distract those guys too.”

Interviewer: “How do you use the Got Pickup Lines app in your interactions?”

Kaseem: “I review my favorite cockblock responses and practice saying them a few times before I hit the bar or club. I have three in my head at all times. These work great when you don’t have a wingman, but need to control the cockblock. Some of the lines give you the frame and make her look awkward or foolish if she keeps blocking. Other lines let her know that you’re cool and that she doesn’t need to worry, her friend is in good hands.”

Interviewer: “How do you know which type of line to use?”

Kaseem: “By her initial block, you can tell if she’s jealous, she fears for her friend’s well being or she’s just insecure about being left alone. That’s why you need to have more than one response ready.”

Interviewer: “Thanks Kaseem, looks like you’ve got a solid lock on cockblocks.”

Kaseem no longer struggles with guys or girls who try to thwart his advances, in part, thanks to the app that keeps the cockblocks under control.

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